What am I even doing here? It’s 4pm, and I’m in a bar. He was right. He was always right. If anything proves it, this is it. I’m definitely pathetic. What was I thinking? You don’t meet prince charming in a bar at 4pm. Ok - you don’t meet prince charming in a bar no matter what time it is. But to be fair, I would settle for less than prince charming at this point. Just a guy who looks at me in that special way. That’s all I need. That’s all I want? That’s all I need. Let’s be honest, I’d rather find someone halfway cute — I am pretty shallow after all. But I don’t think that’s too much to ask, really. Take this guy, sitting in the corner doing whatever the hell it is he’s doing on his laptop. Who goes to a bar with a laptop? Weirdo. Cute weirdo. If he’d just come over and talk to me, then maybe I wouldn’t be so pathetic. I think that’s my point.
———
And as the snow was falling in her eyes, she realized that most clichés are lies we feed ourselves to make the harsh world easier to swallow. UGH. What the heck did I just write? This is so bad I’m gonna make myself sick. Seriously, I only came to this shady bar for inspiration, and all I get is this sad lady staring at me. I was hoping for some badass dude with a neck tattoo. Although… I’m not sure how that would help. I suppose what I’m really looking for is someone who’s different enough from me that I can stop writing the same silly stories over and over again. There’s only so much variation you can apply to your own life. Alright. Why is that lady staring at me again. Hum. She’s actually kind of beautiful. She has that yearning desperation in her eyes, it’s kind of attractive. Maybe I should go over and talk to her. Or maybe not. She’s probably only staring because she thinks I’m ugly.
———
I need to find a bar. I need to find a bar now. Oh, here’s one. Strangers? That’s a weird name. Whatever, I’m not here for the sex appeal, I’m here for the alcohol. Oh… I get it. Anyways. I’m definitely sitting at the bar. What are these two creeps doing, sitting at tables by themselves? They should just get together and call it a day. And why did he bring a laptop? That’s definitely not going to help. Although, from the looks of this lady, she would obviously take him with or without the laptop. But what do I care. I have my own shit to worry about. Or not.
"Bartender! I’ll trade you 2 shots of whiskey for my worries."
Maybe then I can sleep tonight. I do have a great head start, it’s only 4pm.
———
Ah! Finally a heavy drinker. Those two youngsters aren’t helping my business. I don’t even understand why they bothered coming in. It’s obvious they’re too shy to talk to anyone else, and why do you go to a bar if you’re not looking to get drunk and/or get laid? That’s what coffee shops are for. Look at them. They ordered one drink, and now they’re just sitting there, pretending to be busy. At least the guy brought a computer. The lady’s just… I don’t even know what the lady is doing. Why did they pick my bar over a coffee shop? Does that mean they have balls, or are they just pathetic? Maybe it just means they’re depressed. Yeah, that must be it. Bars are coffee shops for depressed people. But only during daytime, right? During nighttime, it’s the coffee shops that are bars for depressed people. Oh wait. Does that make me some kind of therapist? Only if people stick around I guess. Ha! That definitely makes me a therapist.